Ok. I am back. Been in Germany, trying to earn some money. I am in Poland again. Again. At the moment I am… living with my grandma in very poor district of a dying polish city -Wałbrzych, again. Like when I’ve came back from Sicily. Hitchhiking. Oh, maybe this city is not dying, but just couple of humans here still. It still grows, but rather like a cancer instead of a healthy community. It’s all over the world. This sickness. Emotional plague. I guess it became like that lately. Because we are close to the end of this model of living. I want to document it. I want to make movies, the only time when I was genuinely happy. I am so sorry, ’cause this note can be kinda chaotic, guys, please forgive me that, my minds is like- messed up or almost depleted. When I try to focus the noise attacks me. I am trying to fight, though I know some new fun-facts about the world now. I was artificially happy for a couple of days when I took the pills. Few years ago. Yeah. But I have something optimistic and some hope left still. First things first. I try to spare you most of the doom and gloom, but you got to know the background to fully understand my conclusions. Let’s start.
Germany was a complete failure. Using carpooling I got to some German industrial area something like 600 kilometers from my grandma’s place. Before and after this trip I took some shit-jobs. All full time, all paid just pocket money. But how to even start to work without a place to rest your head after the work? I am practically homeless, because even if I stay at my grandma’s I start to fall down deep in my mind- still full of fear. Life is utter slavery here. Either on a pension or a slave-kinda labour. Of cause it still isn’t the shrimp industry, but this makes no sense. This is fun, because the wages are stagnant and everything went up some 30% percent. The equation of work effectiveness (for you, yourself, the fruits of your labor) gets you the results that are under the line of decency. This is basic physics, guys. Anyways- I got to Germany with some polish guys, who drank vodka all the time, and I was the bartender, I wasn’t drinking. After a few hours of the super-fun-time trip using great German infrastructure (Marshall plan, the dollars pumped into the country and finally Euro, which is a weapon of mass destruction- to extract value of every submerged economy). I arrived at a labor camp, the address that agency gave me. First of all – there was no Internet. Secondly: These guys- uh, this is sad- they haven’t had any signed agreement, everyone were waiting for it. It was said that there will be some paperwork done by the end of december. Neat. This was the stuff that raised my eyebrow. I started asking about the agreement, so they offered me one- full-time job in a warehouse somewhere in Poland for something like 400 euro. Right guys. The worst part is that I don’t have the camera anymore, I cannot document it properly, you got to believe me. I am trying to be a man of my word, altough the psychopathic standards are bending everyone to be a liar and a crook. At least partially. I am honest. This brought me a lot of struggle but I try to be a good person. Arghhhhhhh!
Now, about the work. I went to the work early in the morning. We had to move a lot of very heavy palletes of crap. Some junk. And there was this german guy who couldn’t stop yelling at me in german. The only stuff I got from a long litany of swearing was “DAS IS SCHEISSE!!”. He had this angry muzzle. This was his red furious mask of sanity? Shit, guys, this was at least unpleasant. But I was working hard thinking about the 900 euro they’ve promise me though I hadn’t any proof of this distant day in the future called pay day. The situation worsened by the hour. I had a room with 3 more guys and I was there half past nine. Exhausted. Angry as hell. This was a typical labour camp. “I don’t want to be here”- I was thinking that in a continuous loop. But then I had this thought about getting 900 Euro and some private space for at least a month, starting to think to get camera back, anything. There was one more drawback to this situation though. Being humiliated. I never told you guys about behaviour of my host in Sicily. Since I was very poor at that moment, I was treated like shit by this supposedly enlightened community-saving, permacultura creating individual. He was even worse when friends dropped by. Petty showing-off. When these indigenous Italians had some more wine and a couple of joints they made fun of me and my polish friends. Sometimes I was so angry I couldn’t speak. I could be beaten up if I would speak out by one of the impetuous friend. “Poles eat from the floor”- this is how what I’ve heard one day. Shiiit! I wanted not to be humiliated anymore… This is almost impossible when you have no money. People treat you like crap, but sometimes… and I had a lot of luck… you meet these People. I could easily name them God’s chosen people or the highest lifeforms here on Earth. These humans know how to share, how to help, they don’t have the Darkness in their hearts, though they’ve suffered a lot in their life. I remember all of them. Ole- the owner of a hotel- he opened before me and told me how his best friend stole his long-time girlfriend. He treated me as equal person. Elvad- the owner of the camping. He let soaking-wet, chilly lost boy from Poland to stay on his campsite. I called him from Oslo that everything is perfect, when I met Signe. Too bad, that one day later I was on the street again, being accused of thievery and that I left my job post. I went to the city to ask about the other work. I haven’t stole anything from her. Look up previous notes, especially the one with my “friend” from Poland is amusing. Thord- who helped me to meet Signe and to buy a cheap tent. I don’t hold no grieve for him for yelling at me and calling me a bad person. This was Signe’s job to make everything so complicated and make my PR blacker than Barack’s Obama. By the way, mainstream media only lie. Huh, she was so angry on my opinion, that not everything is shiny happy in Sweden, but there are also dark sides of Oslo. Because they are. Shit, never touch the comfort zone of a person that you are dependent of. Or do it, if you value truth enough. Jens, the guy from Rent-a-tent firm, who let me stay at his place (!) an alien in a strange land. This was humane. Salvatore- my friend from Italy, who gave me some good advices. Smoke some marihuana, have sex, drink coffee. Problems with figuring out how to get sex in sex-economy, where everything is valued in scheckles, and girls are so material-oriented (thanks for the propaganda culture invasion, thank you american industry) and guys are gay (i am not a fruitcake, but apparently most of the italian truck drivers are) turned me to joints and coffee. It isn’t that good and healthy, Salvatore, but thank you anyways. I know now, that if you want to smoke you should not have any bigger worries or fears. Mike, the writer (look up my previous entries). Angela- my great friend from Palermo. She told me “Everything will be alright, Paweł”. Duce. My grandma- who would give her last loaf of bread to me. Finally, my polish friends. Some of them are still alive, and fighting for the right to do the things you love, avoiding slavery and humiliation. Many, many people helped me to survive, to get to this point where I am now. Thank you, guys.